Love me, it's a sin. Can't you see me caving in.

It's 3am on what is now Thursday morning. I have been wanting to go to bed since 11. I can't.

I can't sleep, I can't stop listening to this song. I can't stop thinking.

This week has tested me in many many ways. New loves have come and gone, old ones have returned, struggles have been presented, and new destinations have been decided.

After all that I have had to deal with, I wanted just one person to stand by my side, not give any advice, just listen to me cry, and just lay there until it was all okay. I thought that was you, because it would never be her.

It was always her.

my peace of mind

This week I allowed walls to come down for no reason, then I was contacted by the person that helped build these walls. I feel like I want to pretend I don't care, but the pain is worth it. 

Then I become stranded by the gift sold to me by my "loving" mother. I hope it's just the battery, but we all fall apart at some point, no matter the amount of love another has for us. 

I begin to wade through all of the emotions, drowning with every incomplete thought. 

Are you back because you are true, or are you back because you are showing me another is true?

I am tested even more, it all feels like it once did, days that seem so long ago, like they were just yesterday. 

All I can do is listen to you on repeat and flood my cheeks. I dance, here and there, in that hat, hiding from the world. I can't see you, so you don't see my pain. 

Lost in every beat, every lyric, every lie. 

I push you away because I know it is not worth it, fighting for a glint of life, you killed it.

I washed the blood from my eyes and smiled because you picked up the phone and the pieces just when we needed it. You will always be the one I love. You will always be the one the fight is worth. 

The only one to fight for.